On my own – or am I?
Wow we are well into week three of lockdown and if I am honest it doesn’t look like it is going to end soon. I wonder how you have all been? Me..if I am honest I have struggled a bit. It might not seem like much in the beginning and in some cases it might be a welcome break but three weeks in I certainly am seeing the cracks. I have felt a massive range of emotions – loneliness, fear, anxiety, and some joys and peacefulness.. It has been quite a roller coaster. But I have my faith! I tell myself. Yes I do but somehow that doesn’t stop me feeling these things. And when I feel like it, in this time of doubt I ask myself is my relationship strong enough with God if I am feeling like this? Am I actually alone – not just from human contact but also from God? I hate the feeling of loneliness and when I have feelings of anxiety about my family’s health and my own it really doesn’t help thinking no-one is there to listen to me. What I have come to realise though – in week three of lockdown is that God is with me and that it is just the enemy trying to tell me otherwise. He may not always be talking to me or actively engaged but he is there. I go about my daily business of work, gaming, eating etc and God is sitting there. waiting to be spoken to, waiting to interject into my life. Sometimes he interjects himself – maybe through a song, maybe through a thought, maybe through a reading – maybe through someone else. When I need it most I just have to ask and he gives me a hug – and I do feel it. You see God loves me and he cares for me and he will always be there for me no matter what. I probably don’t include him enough in my day, I probably don’t speak to him enough but he is there, sitting with me, watching and listening to me – loving me. For me now in these times of ‘being on my own’ I need to realise that I am not – God is with me and will never leave me. Through this lockdown he is in my flat and he promises to stay with me throughout the course.
“You are my servant I have CHOSEN you and have not rejected you. Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:9-10